Tips To Keep Things On Track
Local and long-distance relationships require a lot of the same things for optimal relationship health. Long-distance ones, however, will require a bit more conscious thought.
“People in long-distance relationships must be way more intentional and industrious in doing the work that helps relationships thrive,” says Patrick Cheatham, PsyD.
These tips includes;
1.Discuss communication needs
When you first begin a long-distance relationship, decide how often you want to talk, beyond quick text messages throughout the day.
You might both agree you want to talk frequently but disagree about what that actually means. If your ideal levels of communication differ, finding a compromise early on can help prevent frustration later.
A communication schedule can also help. This schedule doesn’t have to stand firm, but you may feel comforted knowing when you’ll hear from your partner next.
An occasional, spontaneous, “thinking of you” phone call can be a nice surprise, but scheduling longer conversations can help you connect when you’re both at your best. If your partner is a night owl and you’re more of an early bird, for example, try planning calls for just before or just after dinner.
2.Maintain your independence
You might feel like part of you is missing if your partner is miles away, but try to keep up with your usual routines. Remember, you aren’t just part of a unit ,you’re still your own person.Keeping busy often helps relieve feelings of loneliness.
If you don’t see your partner often, you might want to talk with them more frequently. But feeling tied to your phone or computer can lead to sadness, or even resentment, if they can’t always talk to you. You’ll also lose out on time with other loved ones.
Even if your partner does have time to talk constantly throughout the day, it’s still a good idea to spend some time on your own or with friends and family.
3.Stick to your ‘meeting’ times whenever possible
You wouldn’t want to date someone who kept missing in-person dates for very long, would you?
Physical distance can sometimes make a relationship seem more casual. But prioritizing your partner, just as you would when dating someone locally, is crucial in making long-term relationships work.
A partner who’s too far away to help out when things go wrong may worry more than a local partner when they don’t hear from you at an expected time. Of course, things will come up, but try to let your partner know as soon as possible. And if you can, schedule a make up chat session.
Vary your modes of communication
Switching up how you keep in touch may help you feel more connected. You might share photos and videos with Snapchat, keep up a chat on Facebook Messenger, text on occasion, and make a quick phone call over your lunch break or when you wake up in the morning.
Note that some people get overwhelmed when keeping track of multiple conversations, so this may not work for everyone.
Consider trying nondigital modes of communication, too. Receiving a letter or a surprise package tends to brighten most people’s days.
Try sharing a letter journal or scrapbook full of notes, pictures, and mementos from your daily lives. Send it back and forth, taking turns adding to it.
4.Make your communication count
In a long-distance relationship, it’s common to feel like you never get enough time to talk with your partner. If this sounds familiar, try to focus your energy on making the most out of communication.
As you think of things to share throughout the day, jot them down so you remember them later. If you have something on your mind, talk about it instead of letting it go unsaid.
…but don’t neglect the mundane
Distance can prevent you from feeling physically close to your partner. But lacking minor details can make you feel even farther apart emotionally.
Your instinct may lead you to focus on deep or meaningful topics so you can make the conversations you do have count. But things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things can also contribute to your image of your partner and further emotional connection.
So, vent or ramble to each other and don’t be afraid to share things that seem trivial, even boring — what you had for lunch, your new neighbors, or how you stepped in cat vomit on the bathroom floor. After all, you’d probably share those things with a partner you saw every day.
5.Have Tipsy And Seductive late-night Phone Calls
Next time you talk on the phone with your partner, ensure the conversation is unusually sexy. Conversing seductively can be considered a boon for LDR couples. Whisper something dirty in your husky voice and drive them crazy. You could ignite the fire by sending them an appealing full picture of you in a seductive pose or a desirable dress in advance. You could also send them a playful and inviting video of yours to fuel their imagination. Talk about your fantasies and desires on the phone and narrate what you would do to your partner if they were physically close to you to keep your love hormones bouncing.
Things To Avoid While In Distance Relationship
Like any kind of relationship, long-distance bonds aren’t a one-size-fits-all situation. What works for one couple might not do much for another.
Still, there are a few things you should probably avoid doing in any kind of long-distance relationship. They include;
1.Trust issues
It may not be realistic for you (or your partner) to immediately reply to messages or phone calls. But you might notice, when you do talk, that they seem distracted or disinterested. If this becomes a pattern, you might feel worried, even jealous if you know they spend a lot of time with other friends.
These feelings are common, but they’re important to discuss. “Trust is critical,” Cubberly says. “Responsiveness can help build trust, as can openness and honesty. Without responsiveness, the mind fills in the blanks with negatives.”
He encourages paying attention to your partner’s responses when you bring up these concerns. “Do they seem open and nondefensive? Do they have empathy for your worries?”
2.Avoiding conflict
Most people dislike conflict, especially in a relationship. If you see or talk to your partner less than you’d like, you might feel even more reluctant to have an argument and do whatever you can to keep calls and visits peaceful.
Long-distance relationships sometimes involve less conflict naturally. Disagreements over errands or household tasks, for example, probably won’t come up. But if you do have a difference of opinion, it’s important to say so, especially when it involves personal values or things that really matter.
Strongly opposing viewpoints can lead to conflict, but they can also help you recognize that a relationship may not work out long term. Don’t shy away from having discussions about intense topics, even if you believe you might end up disagreeing.
3.Troubleshooting common issues
All relationships hit bumps in the road, but physical distance can cause some unique issues.
Here are some key concerns you might face, plus a few tips to help you navigate them.
4.Financial expectations
If you want to see each other regularly, you might have to invest a significant amount of time and money to make those visits. Those costs can quickly add up, even if you take turns scheduling time off work and paying for trips.
Cheatham encourages people considering a long-distance relationship to think about these practical aspects. “I don’t think these challenges need to be deal breakers, but they can foster resentment if they’re unexpected,” he says.
Financial matters aren’t always the easiest topic to discuss, but it’s a good idea to communicate what you hope for in terms of visits early in the relationship. If you know you can’t afford to visit your partner more than once a month, say so up front instead of trying to stretch your funds.
5.Keeping feelings and emotions to yourself
If you prefer to talk about difficult emotions or feelings in person, you might struggle to find ways to share these things with a long-distance partner. But avoiding serious discussions can eventually cause problems.
“Your ability and willingness to talk about difficult issues or feelings are both very important,” says Scott Cubberly, MSW, LCSW. “Many people tend to be avoidant of these things, since they’re afraid to cause emotion or upset.”
